Unrest to Rest

I returned from Papua New Guinea about 4 months ago. It seems like so much longer ago. I have moments where I miss PNG terribly and the wonderful friends I made there. I find my heart hurting at times for those friends who have been going through such trials and I wished I could be there to encourage them or give them a hug. Lately there has been intense fighting in the villages surround the Ukarumpa Center. Many have been killed and many houses have been burned. Things like this happened when I was there and it is amazing the peace God gives amongst such tension. I never felt unsafe during those times. As I am here though many miles away, my heart hurts for this place. I do not know whether God wants me back there again, but I do know that Papua New Guinea will always be a part of who I am and who I will become.

Like the unrest in this country, I found much unrest in my soul as I returned to the states. The conflict inside myself that keeps me from being who God desires me to become. I wanted to return and wanted people to know I was different, but that required more than me just saying it, I truly needed and desired to become more of who I was created to become.

I was met with many trials financially, spiritually, relationally, and physically. There was a war going on in my soul. Now was the time to decide did I really want to take my relationship with Christ to the next level. Did I really believe God could do these things in me that I have believed for so long for other people. Was I going to allow the power of God to take over or was I going to continue to let fear suppress my soul.

As I walked through this tough transition, more and more I found my God saying FIGHT!! I felt like God was showing me I was going to have to fight to get to where He wanted me to be. I was going to have to persevere through things that didn't make sense. I learned many things and am thankful to say that I did fight and I did persevere. Honestly, it wasn't without a bad attitude at times or tears. I was several times overcome with fear and doubt, doubt if I would ever overcome.

I am glad to say because of Christ I have overcome. I once again learned that fear was not an option. I learned that I am not out of my mind and yes I can hear God correctly!! Just because things aren't easy does not mean God did not call me to them. I learned that I have to take care of myself. I have to know who it is God created me to be and go after it, not worrying what others may think or say or even if they believe I can do it or not. I have to go after what I know God desires. God can call us to certain things, but there is a perfect timing for these things as well. If we try to run ahead it can be quite painful and dangerous.

So for now, I continue to persevere in the things I know God has specifically called me to in this season. Sometimes it seems dull and a little boring, but in this time I am learning discipline. I am learning how to stick with something knowing that this something brings so much freedom. No, I'm not off planning another mission trip or moving to another state, but I am enjoying everyday life, searching for ways that I can be used. For now it is encouraging friends in Africa, friends after surgery, friends getting married, or having babies. These things may seem small compared to going and doing, but I have found peace in these things. So while my life seems a little less exciting to those on the outside. I am seeing God do some amazing things by allowing me to build stronger relationships with others and also building confidence in who I am to become.

While this transition back to this side of the planet has been one of the toughest transitions I have ever made, it also has a sweet side!! Because God is still here. He is why I persevere. I am able to find sweet rest in Him, the God who saves!!!