Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Getting to the Heart of the Matter

The Heart of the Matter is this: God love us, He really loves us, He only has good things for us, He brings understanding, He loves us!!! This last week, I have opened myself up to going back in my past to see some things that still need healing to find true full breakthrough in life. It can be scary, to go back, to look at things we are not so proud of and want to forget. The good thing about this is that we can find the love of the Father with each look. Horrendous things may have happened to us, or maybe not, but the Father longs to show you His love, His hand, how he worked together for your good!!! The tendency for most folks in this world is to blame God, when trials and tribulations come, things we can't understand, don't want to understand, we blame God. The truth is this, God wants good for His children, He loves all, sent His Son to die for all, He works everything for our good because He loves us!! Putting that into perspective, I had this thought. You know how when tragedy strikes, difficult circumstance, cancer, layoffs, or just rotten things happen? Our tendency often times is to take it out on those we love and who love us. Our tendency is to push them away. Why do we do that? I have asked myself this same question. Part of me believes it is because we know they will love us in spite of our momentary insanity, part of it, I believe is that we are daring them to show us how much they love us. So, in relation to blaming God for disaster, difficulty, sickness and tragedy, are we blaming God, venting to Him? because we are daring Him to show up and show how much He loves us? He is always there, He is always available, He is always loving you, loving me, He is eager to show us more of His love. He is not offended by your blame, by my blame. He wants us to desire Him. If it's a dare, he will show up!! He will love you, heck he already does love you!! Just a thought, as i sit here talking with him about life, and asking for more understanding. So take some time to talk with Him, He is always available, He will answer, He will reply with LOVE, HOPE, PEACE, JOY!!!!!! Give him the chance!!

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Moving on Up!!

So today I find myself living in Redding, California!! What a journey the last year has been. It has been over 8 months since my return from Thailand and Cambodia. And I had no clue not even a year later, I would move from all I knew in Arkansas to a place called Redding, California. Population half of Little Rock and same heat less humidity, a place with homeless on every corner, Me: living in an apartment that I tell folks it's in the alley between Carl Jr's and the 7/11, but alas here I am. I moved here a little over 2 months ago in search for MORE of God, my desire to understand how to host the Presence of Holy Spirit. My move brought me to Redding to be a part of Bethel Church. Bethel's main pastor is Bill Johnson. I was transformed by Holy Spirit through Bill's teachings, understanding more the simplicity of loving God, seeking His Presence. My desire to search out the hidden things of Christ has been heightened as I am placed in front of folks everyday asking about God's love through the vast questions of why hell? will dead be raised? why did Ananias and Sapphira have to die? Many other questions have surfaced from others that I am hesitant to admit have never crossed my mind. But it is in these questions, that I find myself in His Presence knowing that is the place where the answers lie. Sure, I could look at commentary after commentary, yet in His Presence is fullness of Joy, in His Presence is wisdom and revelation. In His Presence is TRUTH! So while people may question my beliefs and understandings of Christ and dispute these many things, I am content to trust His Voice. The things I may not understand, I trust His heart! Knowing HE loves all wishing none to perish! This is where I find myself on the beautiful August day in Redding. I just began reading "Visions Beyond the Veil" by HA Baker. I found truth so quickly and am not even on the 2nd chapter. It's the truth that resonates through my soul, flesh, and spirit. A truth that made me want to jump for joy, yet I must admit I contained myself a bit as I sit in Starbucks and am not fond of the staring, well not as much as I used to be haha! The truth was this: In speaking of the ministry of the Bakers who began a home for boys with many issues this is what was said of the children who were speaking revelations from above, "They sought Christ! We did not see anyone seeking visions or any of the manifestations that were received day by day, as they all single-heartedly prayed and praised the Lord Jesus. He alone was sought and magnified throughout..." pg 12 That is where I want to live! I want to seek Christ and Him alone. I find myself periodically getting wrapped up in why can't I see this or that healing, or have this vision. Yet when I am still and sure, I know His Presence is greater than any manifestation and sign. Yet in Him alone is where we find Christ in His fullness which comes with all of the signs and wonders. So this is where we begin the next chapter in Redding, California. I will be talking more about what has been going on here and the favor I have found in seeking God more, the opportunities I have been given. But for now this is where I am seeking Him in His fullness and finding unspeakable joy!! Until next time...

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

THE NEW YEAR

So I rang in the new year a little disheartened and discontented. What I realize now is that Satan did not in any way desire for me to make it into this new year. For God had big plans, HUGE plans for me.

It started with an unexpected weekend out of town with some new friends. I had been given different information than what really took place. I left that weekend realizing feeling angry. How can we call ourselves Christians if we do not look any different than the world. The Lord just got me all fired up. I told everyone I came in contact with that we needed to be different, we needed to look different, otherwise what's the point. If Jesus can die on the cross for me, can I not at least live on this earth for Him?

I met with some of my closest friends and asked that they help in this endeavor, to be more aware of the people they are around and what they do and what they say in the midst of everyday life. We just never know. From there God just started showing out!!

At this point I had my second credit card paid and one to go! I attended a weekend missions conference. At this point I am sad to admit, I had become so awkward I didn't really want anything to do with missions anymore, but I knew I had to go!!! God definitely began working on my hardened heart and I was able to appreciate people who gave their lives to serve Christ and share His glory. I was moved, but to what I didn't know. Things God revealed to me at that conference didn't make sense until a few months later, but the one thing He did show me was that I was to remain soley in Him to Dance with Him for He is the lover of my soul and He desires to Romance me and I am His Beloved.

A few weeks after that I attended a friends pilot graduation in Columbus, MS. We were so proud to be a part of his celebration. He received lots and lots and lots of awards all the while being quite humble! This was the first time I had met his family. His mom and I hit it off when I told her I did physical therapy for a living. Through our conversation, God used her to do an amazing work, she encouraged me into what God had already called me to. She told me I was an encourager and and exhorter. She confirmed everything God had called me to that I had let go by the wayside through my difficult transition back to the states. I had a new lease on life after that weekend and once again God continued to show His beautiful face.

I began looking into going back to the Dominican Republic which God had shown me at that conference and which I easily dismissed. I stayed 9 days in the DR and was able to help with the PT clinic and also gave quite a few massages to the missionaries. I have a friend I met there 6 years ago, Melvin, who has cerebral palsy. My friend, Richard and I have put music to the songs he has written and helped arrange them. One night we had a concert and Melvin preached. It was an undescribabel experience. When I returned from the DR things were a little crazy!

It was 2 weeks later that I would find out I had an opportunity to go to Haiti for 6 days. Another thing that was suggested to me at the conference that I had carelessly dismissed. This trip is an exploratory trip for our church to see how we can partner with them in the future. This is going to be quite an amazing trip for sure. Nothing is really mapped out in stone and that is how we prefer it to be!! We are praying for the Holy Spirit to lead us every step of the way. To the places others may not go or desire to go. We are not praying for safety but for boldness in the midst of trials to step out of our comfort zones and ask God for supernatural healing in physical, spiritual, and emotional realm. So this just catches you up some on what's been going on. I leave on May 6 and return May 11. I hope to keep up the blogging a little more and am a little sad I haven't as much in last four months. At this point I have all my credit cards paid and have much more freedom to travel as God desires that for me!! God is amazing and continues to show off in my life. I don't deserve it but it is all for His glory and His NAME!!! Until next time...

time to start up again

So it has been at least 9 months since I have blogged! Obviously things have been quite crazy after returning from Papua New Guinea. I have now been back a little over a year and life has definitely had its ups and downs, but overall I have seen God's continuous faithfulness in every area of my life.

When I came back to Little Rock things were a little awkward! I somewhat resented being back in Little Rock for I wanted the adventure to continue. Little did I know that is what the Lord had in store! This past fall I was a bridesmaid in 3 weddings along with that came numerous showers to plan and throw. I wouldn't have traded that for the world and I love these gals so much it was all ssoooooo worth it!! We had a blast. In the midst of that time I thought I would start training for the half marathon in March. Let the running begin and it did. I remember the day i hit 5 miles you would have thought I had climbed the Empire State building on the outside it was a great feat for me and I knew I could keep going!! I also worked really hard towards paying off the debts I had allowed to build up. Boy is that a freeing thing to do!! Making strides everywhere. That was what truly defined my fall, making strides to freedom!! Sticking with it to the very end!! The Lord is an amazing provider and was with me through it all.

So I got the fall behind me and ended the year running 8 miles, 30 lbs lighter, and 1 credit card down. Oh what a feeling!!! More to come...

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Unrest to Rest

I returned from Papua New Guinea about 4 months ago. It seems like so much longer ago. I have moments where I miss PNG terribly and the wonderful friends I made there. I find my heart hurting at times for those friends who have been going through such trials and I wished I could be there to encourage them or give them a hug. Lately there has been intense fighting in the villages surround the Ukarumpa Center. Many have been killed and many houses have been burned. Things like this happened when I was there and it is amazing the peace God gives amongst such tension. I never felt unsafe during those times. As I am here though many miles away, my heart hurts for this place. I do not know whether God wants me back there again, but I do know that Papua New Guinea will always be a part of who I am and who I will become.

Like the unrest in this country, I found much unrest in my soul as I returned to the states. The conflict inside myself that keeps me from being who God desires me to become. I wanted to return and wanted people to know I was different, but that required more than me just saying it, I truly needed and desired to become more of who I was created to become.

I was met with many trials financially, spiritually, relationally, and physically. There was a war going on in my soul. Now was the time to decide did I really want to take my relationship with Christ to the next level. Did I really believe God could do these things in me that I have believed for so long for other people. Was I going to allow the power of God to take over or was I going to continue to let fear suppress my soul.

As I walked through this tough transition, more and more I found my God saying FIGHT!! I felt like God was showing me I was going to have to fight to get to where He wanted me to be. I was going to have to persevere through things that didn't make sense. I learned many things and am thankful to say that I did fight and I did persevere. Honestly, it wasn't without a bad attitude at times or tears. I was several times overcome with fear and doubt, doubt if I would ever overcome.

I am glad to say because of Christ I have overcome. I once again learned that fear was not an option. I learned that I am not out of my mind and yes I can hear God correctly!! Just because things aren't easy does not mean God did not call me to them. I learned that I have to take care of myself. I have to know who it is God created me to be and go after it, not worrying what others may think or say or even if they believe I can do it or not. I have to go after what I know God desires. God can call us to certain things, but there is a perfect timing for these things as well. If we try to run ahead it can be quite painful and dangerous.

So for now, I continue to persevere in the things I know God has specifically called me to in this season. Sometimes it seems dull and a little boring, but in this time I am learning discipline. I am learning how to stick with something knowing that this something brings so much freedom. No, I'm not off planning another mission trip or moving to another state, but I am enjoying everyday life, searching for ways that I can be used. For now it is encouraging friends in Africa, friends after surgery, friends getting married, or having babies. These things may seem small compared to going and doing, but I have found peace in these things. So while my life seems a little less exciting to those on the outside. I am seeing God do some amazing things by allowing me to build stronger relationships with others and also building confidence in who I am to become.

While this transition back to this side of the planet has been one of the toughest transitions I have ever made, it also has a sweet side!! Because God is still here. He is why I persevere. I am able to find sweet rest in Him, the God who saves!!!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

See the Lord is doing a New thing!

I returned from PNG almost 2 weeks ago. I was welcomed to Arkansas with much pollen and extreme allergies. Not really something I was hoping for, but it happens once a year at this time, and glad it's run its course.

I was greeted in the airport on 21st of April by family and friends. My nieces have grown so much. Analee is now one and her birthday was the 16th. Mercedes will be starting kindergarten in August. Wow!! I must admit there is nothing more precious than a 5 year old greeting you with her special name for you (she calls me G), jumping up and down and telling you how much they missed you, I truly am so blessed. It wasn't long before she started asking me for her stuffed crocodile she had requested on my return trip from Australia. The bliss lasted for only a moment. HAHA!

I found it so difficult at first to answer all the questions. I was asked what was best and worst part about the trip and I was speechless. Hold up guys I gotta process this and I will get back to you. I never usually struggle with words. I was surprised at how difficult if was to answer questions. I will admit it was one of the greatest experiences of my life and hands down most challenging experience. More details later on that!

So now I am back in Little Rock. Now what? I began my search here in Little Rock and was planning on staying here, but the Lord is doing a new thing. I am so thankful that I have had the time to read, pray, and drink Starbucks:) In my search I am acutely aware that God desires me elsewhere. I am so excited how clearly he speaks when I ask and once again a little less excited that He still desires to speak to me early in the morning.

I will reveal more of that move later when it all is finalized, but I can't begin to tell you just how faithful My God has been every step of the way. It's nothing for me to pray and petition God about my concerns and questions and the next morning the phone rings to confirm the direction is clear. I am ecstatic about this next step and I can't begin to tell you how much joy and peace overwhelms my life in the smallest steps of obedience.

Thank you all for your prayers during these last 3 months and keeping up with my blog. I think I will continue blogging, I have always been big on journaling, but this is such a great way to share the things I am learning with others and it is so easy. In the next few days I will try and answer those hard questions here on my blog, but until then know how grateful and thankful I am for being able to share my journey. I am even more grateful to the Lord for loving me and never letting go!


"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19

Monday, April 13, 2009

Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus

Wow!

I now have about 9 and half hours til I leave my house here in Ukarumpa. I board the plane to Cairns, AS at 10am. Today was a good day! It seems like yesterday I was just landing at Aiyura airstrip doe eyed with anticipation of what God had in store for me.

3 months later, I am a woman of culture haha! 3 months later I found how truly sweet it is to trust in Jesus. Jesus is faithful. Jesus is My Rock. In good and bad times He is My Hope!

I am leaving here with less certainty of what my future holds and more peace than I have ever known. I am full of hope and joy and so looking forward to sharing my experiences. I hope that I have many opportunities to share with many of you specific things God has done in my life.

God provided so perfectly for me my housemate, Lilah, who was quite a trooper with all my questions and idiosyncrasies. Her type of humor made me laugh more than a few times of day. She shared her Aussie culture with me and I felt right at home. I am so thankful that God knew and provided so abundantly. She is so many things I am not, like organized and I have learned so much from her and will never be able to thank her enough!

God provided another housemate the last few weeks, Jen, who added much laughter and encouragement to both of us and she washes dishes!!! There are just some people in life you have an instant connection and she is one of them. I am so thankful for her encouragement and discipline.

God has provided so many more people who have encouraged me along the way. Kindred spirits, if you will. He provided me with Nancy who from the beginning made it her plan to hug me after she saw me each time. It may sound silly to some, but in a place like this those are few and I love my hugs! She loved me and encouraged me and by listening and laughing with me. She allowed me to vent. I am so thankful for her sharing her life with me as well. God is so good.

I have already mentioned a couple earlier in my blog who were huge encouragement to me and my walk with Christ and I am encouraged by their perseverance during the hard times. I will always remember that God uses the simplest things to know He is in control, like cheesecakes!! What a story!!!

I could go to numerous countries and perform physical therapy, but what is so amazing is that it's the people that make the difference. God is so good to allow us to be used to encourage one another. I know I have been changed and I know that it is because of trusting in Jesus. Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus!!!