I have found this week to be one of reminders. Reminders that I am living in this world of sin, yet as a Christian, I am not to live of this world (insert Avalon song).
The lessons I have learned are things that have taken place this week, things that have come out of my mouth and listening to hurting friends. I have had a lot of aha moments this week and want to document them so I don't forget.
First lesson, so I am talking to a friend who has not been treated the greatest by another "friend". She has been lied to and manipulated into thinking this person was one way and finding out completely different things. She was hurt and it has caused her to question who it is she is truly living for.
As I think back in my own life I realize that is just what I do to God. I tell Him what I think He wants to hear. Trying to hide the fact that I am not perfect. Telling Him how much I still care about Him, yet secretly entertaining other loves, love of money, love of food, love of self. I so disrespectfully cheat on God. And like my friend's hurt, this hurts The God I love. Yet He still loves me, He still seeks me out. He still, in the midst of my depravity, reaches out His Hand and embraces the wretched sinner. His hurt does not cause Him to retaliate, but love on us more, what a lesson.
Another lesson I learned was from one of my patients. She is definitely one of the funniest unique people I have ever met. When I worked with her before we got along great. But now every time I go into her as of late she wants nothing to do with me. I tell her how important it is for her to get out of the bed. I told her I loved her and wanted more for her than this bed. I told her that she is still among the land of the living and needs to take advantage of that. Her response to me was "No, I don't want to, stop talking to me, get out of my room."
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out my lesson here. Once again this is how Jesus so lovingly calls my name, Angie, I love you, I have so many plans for you, you have a purpose while you are here on earth, Get up and do something with your time here on earth. I have so much more for you than this "bed" that keeps you from moving forward. A "bed" that disguises itself in fear, pride, and self pity. You must get up and embrace this life I have given, away from the life of lesser.
Even in the midst of this process of going to Papua New Guinea, I have found myself paralyzed in fear and self doubt. I have never flown by myself anywhere especially not out the country. There have been more moments as the time gets closer of doubt of if I can really do this. Many times in this process I have felt so alone. But I know I'm not doing anything alone, I have Jesus right there with me walking with me every step (I forget that so often). I also think I'm just not qualified for this and then I realize it's not me doing this, It is Christ living in me, I can do all things through Christ (Phil 4:13)I have Bible Verse on my nightstand that states, Nothing is impossible with God, Luke 1:37, One of my favorite verses of one of my favorite chapter's in the Bible.
It is in the times that I try to do these things on my own that fear creeps in. How many times does God have to "prove" He is faithful before I trust? I am learning more and more that "His ways are not my ways His thoughts are not my thoughts, His Ways are higher than mine and His thoughts higher than my thoughts (Isaiah55:8-9). I am thankful that these times are fleeting and I do not stay paralyzed by my fears and doubts. One verse that has really helped with this,
"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Encouragement of Epaphroditus
At this point in my journey God has been so very clear as to this specific journey to Papua New Guinea. Confirmations have come by selling my house in 5 days in a market that has been run to the ground. God has shown me through His Word. God has blessed me with friends who have offered encouragement for when I told them of this plan God had for me they had 2 words "yes and amen!". I have been blessed to have 2 churches who have loved me including: The Summit Church in North Little Rock and First Baptist Church in Camden, AR. I have been blessed with the support of my co-workers/friends of UAMS and even my patients have been an encouragement as they ask how they can keep in touch while I am away. WOW! One Word: BLESSED!
But as I continue I know my journey will not stop here and God has already begun to show me plans for his next journey. A friend at church heard my God story and he wanted me to know how Biblical each and every step of encouraging a missionary truly was. He mentioned the story of Epaphroditus. This man was used to encourage Paul while he was learning what it was to be "content in any and all circumstances, whether well fed or hungry...". Epaphroditus and the Philippians encouraged him throughout his many journeys. Paul said of them, "The gifts you sent are a fragrant offering, and acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God". (Phil 4:18)
To think that God might allow me to be a part of any sort of sweet aroma for His Name is beyond me. For I have done nothing in and of myself to deserve such a sweet chore. And I know the only thing that is good in me is Jesus (insert song here). Once again I have been encouraged that the love of Jesus Christ can be shown in many forms and this time He,Jesus Christ, chose to allow an ordinary girl, who as a youngster wanted nothing to do with the mission field, to be an encourager to foreign missionaries who have given their lives to serve the One True God.
But as I continue I know my journey will not stop here and God has already begun to show me plans for his next journey. A friend at church heard my God story and he wanted me to know how Biblical each and every step of encouraging a missionary truly was. He mentioned the story of Epaphroditus. This man was used to encourage Paul while he was learning what it was to be "content in any and all circumstances, whether well fed or hungry...". Epaphroditus and the Philippians encouraged him throughout his many journeys. Paul said of them, "The gifts you sent are a fragrant offering, and acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God". (Phil 4:18)
To think that God might allow me to be a part of any sort of sweet aroma for His Name is beyond me. For I have done nothing in and of myself to deserve such a sweet chore. And I know the only thing that is good in me is Jesus (insert song here). Once again I have been encouraged that the love of Jesus Christ can be shown in many forms and this time He,Jesus Christ, chose to allow an ordinary girl, who as a youngster wanted nothing to do with the mission field, to be an encourager to foreign missionaries who have given their lives to serve the One True God.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Journey to Papua New Guinea
The past couple of years God has been working on me by teaching me how to be selfless. I left a job I loved because in my heart I knew God was doing a new thing. I started working in a hospital. Not quite the plush job of an outpatient orthopedic clinic, but God had a plan. The first couple of months was torture for me. I was miserable, but as I discovered my place that misery turned into one of the greatest blessings in my life. I remember walking a mile to my car one day, because we park that far away, and telling my best friend that God didn't have me here for me He had me here for my patients, specifically my 7E patients. I was here to learn important lessons and it was not about me!!! So I settled in and have met some amazing people. My favorite patients are the ones on 7E, which is the multiple myeloma floor. Multiple myeloma is a terminal cancer affecting patients young and old and it is no respecter of persons. It is a mean disease and I hate it!!! My first month there I fell in love with a family from Hattiesburg, MS. The wife was diagnosed and her husband stayed with her every night. I got to know this lovely couple and was able to encourage them in Jesus. They are believers and the wife went to be with Jesus on April 16th,2008, the same morning my precious niece, Analee, was born. This day was bittersweet, but it was only the beginning. The next night I was invited by a friend to attend a Wycliffe Bible Translators banquet in Hot Springs. I was going to encourage him in his desire to work in missions. Little did I know God, as He always does, God had other plans in store. I listened at this banquet as a man shared his story of Bible translation. The goal of Wycliffe is to translate the Bible to all nations who do not have it in their language and some do not have the written word at all. That was all she wrote, I was hooked. I have developed such a love for God's Word in my walk with Him that was all I needed to hear. I wanted to be a part, but didn't quite know how. A couple of weeks later I received a call from one of their recruiters and quickly we found a place for me. The physical therapist in Papua New Guinea was leaving in September and they needed someone to take her place. As I prayed through this opportunity God showed me so clearly in His Word,specifically Isaiah 55:5, this was His plan for me.
I began to work towards going to Papua New Guinea. As excited as I was and even with the verse God had shown me, I couldn't understand why God wanted me in another country when I felt so much my place was in the United States. About 2 weeks later I was visiting with one of patients from 7E who is a doctor. We talked about massages and she shared with me about St Jude's recent study of children's caregivers receiving massages and how those specific children responded better to treatment and improved more quickly. It was like a light went off. I was to take my talents as a massage therapist to the missionaries so that they would have more energy, strength, and endurance to take the Word of God the nations who did not have His Word at all, the "sin-sick", if you will. I looked back on each of my out of the country mission trips and the one thing that brought me such joy and seemed insignificant at the time was the opportunities to give the missionaries and my team members massages. God has clearly shown me in these last few months, I am an encourager, and through massage and other ways that is my place as His child, to encourage the tired, sick, the heavy laden and God is using me to help provide rest. This has been an amazing journey so far and I look forward to sharing more with you. A song just popped in my head (i Know surprise surprise)it's like God is telling me You Ain't Seen Nothin Yet,Bbbaby, you ain't seen nothin yet...
I began to work towards going to Papua New Guinea. As excited as I was and even with the verse God had shown me, I couldn't understand why God wanted me in another country when I felt so much my place was in the United States. About 2 weeks later I was visiting with one of patients from 7E who is a doctor. We talked about massages and she shared with me about St Jude's recent study of children's caregivers receiving massages and how those specific children responded better to treatment and improved more quickly. It was like a light went off. I was to take my talents as a massage therapist to the missionaries so that they would have more energy, strength, and endurance to take the Word of God the nations who did not have His Word at all, the "sin-sick", if you will. I looked back on each of my out of the country mission trips and the one thing that brought me such joy and seemed insignificant at the time was the opportunities to give the missionaries and my team members massages. God has clearly shown me in these last few months, I am an encourager, and through massage and other ways that is my place as His child, to encourage the tired, sick, the heavy laden and God is using me to help provide rest. This has been an amazing journey so far and I look forward to sharing more with you. A song just popped in my head (i Know surprise surprise)it's like God is telling me You Ain't Seen Nothin Yet,Bbbaby, you ain't seen nothin yet...
About Me
I am headed to Papua New Guinea for 3 months on Jan 10, 2009. It has been a long amazing journey to get me to this point in my life. There are many significant moments where I can see God's Hand on my life either steering me in the His direction or His Hand of protection.
My testimony is one of a child who had all the opportunities of a Christian family, but was too stubborn to realize what a blessing that is when I was a child. It wasn't that I didn't want to live for Jesus, I guess in my mind I just didn't think it was any one's business. I remember at the age of 15 that I finally walked down that scary aisle to tell everyone I loved Jesus and had accepted Him 4 years before and was ready to be baptised. I was shocked to hear how many people say they had been praying for me. Of course, the invitation was offered every Sunday and I gripped the pew tightly for years, but honestly I don't recall any one person ever asking me specifically if I had or wanted to accept Jesus as my Savior or telling me they were praying for my salvation.
From the time I accepted Christ to now, God has guided me in such a unique way...
In the 8th grade, I was challenged by my 8th grade health teacher, Coach Cox, to switch lunch tables and see the reaction. I sat at the "popular girls" table and took a "step down" to the "not so popular" girls table. I only had one girl who asked why I left the table. No other girls seemed to notice. God blessed me with some amazing girls who I hung out with for the next 4 years and have fond memories because of that move. Thanks Coach Cox!
I went to college and discovered missions wasn't quite the outdated thing I thought it was. My only knowledge of missions was for grey haired women who dressed poorly and went to Africa to purchase ceramic elephants and corn shuck dolls. In college I found that missions was an opportunity at any age to tell others about Jesus and it could be done in another country of down the hall in my dorm. What a lesson to learn!
After college, while working in Texarkana, I found out that one of my life long dreams was to finally be fulfilled. I was going to become a massage therapist. I have wanted to become one since I was 10 y/o. It took me 5 months and I even moved to Camden in the middle of it as well as totalling my car. I graduated on 911 (yes the day of the bombings). There were many trials, but I got through it and have been blessed to share the hands God has given me to relieve stress, encourage, and to relieve pain. It had been a great addition to my physical therapy career and later you will hear how it fits into God's Master Plan for my life.
I moved to Little Rock in summer of 2003. I was blessed with an amazing church, The Summit Church which is a huge advocate in sending its members on mission trips in/out of the country. I was able to go to the Dominican Republic twice and to Russia. It was quite a different thing for me and while there were many fond memories, I couldn't see how God was going to use these opportunities for me in the future and resided myself to the fact, I was to serve Him in the US.
The year before I went to Russia, I was in a caving accident and fell 30 feet where I had to take 7 weeks off from work. God used this accident to show me I had to change some things about my life and I was living my life without purpose. It was a difficult time in my life and I had my first experience with depression. I prayed so diligently for the Lord to free me from my suffering. I wanted to know what He was trying to teach me. I realized I had been living a life without knowing what the love of Christ was all about. My joy was not complete. My joy was not existent. Just as quickly as I asked, Jesus quickly overwhelmed me with His love. I experienced Him in a way I never thought possible, no longer would I question the passion others had for Jesus, for I couldn't help but be passionate about Him. Jesus had answered my prayers and I was able to truly rest in Him.
Of course, I am human and many times I have allowed Satan to come in and take away some of my joy. I was challenged in a relationship where I felt God was priority(I was wrong) and that same year the death of my mamaw, my confidant, lost to Alzheimer's 3 days before my 30th birthday. I learned what it was to grieve and the stages of grief. These particular circumstances were all new. While I clung to Jesus in these desperate moments, I struggled to understand my place. My best friend, Teyerra, who God provided 4 years prior, was the best of blessings and she gently put me in my place and told me to basically shape up and act like I am a child of the King. I was back on the narrow road and remembered the JOY of Jesus and haven't turned back since.
My testimony is one of a child who had all the opportunities of a Christian family, but was too stubborn to realize what a blessing that is when I was a child. It wasn't that I didn't want to live for Jesus, I guess in my mind I just didn't think it was any one's business. I remember at the age of 15 that I finally walked down that scary aisle to tell everyone I loved Jesus and had accepted Him 4 years before and was ready to be baptised. I was shocked to hear how many people say they had been praying for me. Of course, the invitation was offered every Sunday and I gripped the pew tightly for years, but honestly I don't recall any one person ever asking me specifically if I had or wanted to accept Jesus as my Savior or telling me they were praying for my salvation.
From the time I accepted Christ to now, God has guided me in such a unique way...
In the 8th grade, I was challenged by my 8th grade health teacher, Coach Cox, to switch lunch tables and see the reaction. I sat at the "popular girls" table and took a "step down" to the "not so popular" girls table. I only had one girl who asked why I left the table. No other girls seemed to notice. God blessed me with some amazing girls who I hung out with for the next 4 years and have fond memories because of that move. Thanks Coach Cox!
I went to college and discovered missions wasn't quite the outdated thing I thought it was. My only knowledge of missions was for grey haired women who dressed poorly and went to Africa to purchase ceramic elephants and corn shuck dolls. In college I found that missions was an opportunity at any age to tell others about Jesus and it could be done in another country of down the hall in my dorm. What a lesson to learn!
After college, while working in Texarkana, I found out that one of my life long dreams was to finally be fulfilled. I was going to become a massage therapist. I have wanted to become one since I was 10 y/o. It took me 5 months and I even moved to Camden in the middle of it as well as totalling my car. I graduated on 911 (yes the day of the bombings). There were many trials, but I got through it and have been blessed to share the hands God has given me to relieve stress, encourage, and to relieve pain. It had been a great addition to my physical therapy career and later you will hear how it fits into God's Master Plan for my life.
I moved to Little Rock in summer of 2003. I was blessed with an amazing church, The Summit Church which is a huge advocate in sending its members on mission trips in/out of the country. I was able to go to the Dominican Republic twice and to Russia. It was quite a different thing for me and while there were many fond memories, I couldn't see how God was going to use these opportunities for me in the future and resided myself to the fact, I was to serve Him in the US.
The year before I went to Russia, I was in a caving accident and fell 30 feet where I had to take 7 weeks off from work. God used this accident to show me I had to change some things about my life and I was living my life without purpose. It was a difficult time in my life and I had my first experience with depression. I prayed so diligently for the Lord to free me from my suffering. I wanted to know what He was trying to teach me. I realized I had been living a life without knowing what the love of Christ was all about. My joy was not complete. My joy was not existent. Just as quickly as I asked, Jesus quickly overwhelmed me with His love. I experienced Him in a way I never thought possible, no longer would I question the passion others had for Jesus, for I couldn't help but be passionate about Him. Jesus had answered my prayers and I was able to truly rest in Him.
Of course, I am human and many times I have allowed Satan to come in and take away some of my joy. I was challenged in a relationship where I felt God was priority(I was wrong) and that same year the death of my mamaw, my confidant, lost to Alzheimer's 3 days before my 30th birthday. I learned what it was to grieve and the stages of grief. These particular circumstances were all new. While I clung to Jesus in these desperate moments, I struggled to understand my place. My best friend, Teyerra, who God provided 4 years prior, was the best of blessings and she gently put me in my place and told me to basically shape up and act like I am a child of the King. I was back on the narrow road and remembered the JOY of Jesus and haven't turned back since.
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